Okay guys, I have something to tell you. Something that I experienced this year, 2017. To explain this, we have to go back to September, 2016. I started my new school year full of energy, I wanted to do everything that I could possibly can. So I signed up for extra courses, followed a blog schedule and worked so hard on the own company me and some other students have. With a lack of sleep, motivation and ambition I started 2017. Totally lost myself. I didn’t pass every exam, what made me feel really disappointing in myself. Because, if I worked hard, I could do it all, right?! Well, the happy, energetic person was gone. I had putted so much pressure on myself, that wasn’t even necessary. I wanted to be ‘that perfect person that can do everything.’
This brings me back to all the quotes about: achieving your goals. I think it is really important to have a or a few, goals in your life. Some things, that you are living for. But, don’t make it yourself to hard. Because you will lose your happiness, your fire and your strength. Now, I don’t believe in these quotes anymore. I just want to be happy. With my process and my dreams. My goals will be there, but now they are less important for me. I let go of being ‘perfect’ and I started to Enjoy The Ride towards them.
Love, when you are young, you believe that it is something magical. Something you would life and die for. Of course, having feelings for someone, is a magical feeling. It go’s deeply, right from your heart. But let’s keep things real: love is also a process. A process that can break you. When you are in love, you are weak and sensitive. Maybe you are suddenly insecure about yourself: are you even good enough to be with this other person?
I think that being in love can change people, as it changed me. I also see this by my friends. This doesn’t have to be in a negative way, it brings also a lot of positive things into your life. You found a best friend, a soulmate. Someone that inspires you, who motivates you. Since I am in a relationship, for two years now, I recognized myself that I am sharing everything with him. From my daily breakfast till a car accident that happened in front of me on my way to school. Being in love or in a relationship makes you sometimes forget about yourself. It is so important to step back ones in a while, to take some time off and work on you.
How you feel about someone or about love is different for everyone. I wanted to describe my vision on love a little bit in this post, but I feel like it turned out to be all over the place. The most important thing is that you are happy, that the person you love makes you feel strong and good about yourself. Supporting each other is one of the things that you can’t miss in your relationship. So think about that.
Are you in a relationship?
Although I am writing to a small group, it feels great to hear that you guys like my diary stories. Since I am studying Marketing, I realized today that I hardly make time for my creative mind. Of course, working your blog and content has creative aspects, but with creative in this way I mean: doing something with your hands. Drawing and writing, like you used to do when you where in high school for example. Or that time when I opened every fashion-magazine to cut out the styles or clothes that inspired me. Now you just open Instagram and Pinterest where you can literally find everything. Am I the only one that misses buying magazines? To slowly read every page, full of interest? Blogging is like the same, but then online. (New idea: Your blog as a magazine!) But, to focus on this topic, I started to use my hands more. This weekend I am going to pimp up my bike, with floral prints, bright colors and lots of painting. I am so excited! It feels so good to be doing things like that again. You will see a picture of the result on my Instagram!
Being creative is not something you can control, it comes with time. When you feel mentally relaxed and fine it is more likely to come up with new ideas. It is important to have a clear mind, so that you have space to create. You can clear your mind in several ways. It helps me a lot to sing old songs from bands that I used to love. ( I am going to Linkin Park in concert btw, soooo excited! ) Or working out. And one important rule: don’t be hard on yourself. Just create what you love and what you think it is worth it!
- I found these pictures on pinterest and edit them myself. Expect for the first picture, a friend of mine took that of me in London.
It took a while, but I can finally share with you a project that I’ve been working on for months! Me and two friends started our own company: To Flair. We designed our own Marble Notebooks and there is something special about them: you can remove the papers when it’s full. So you can use it again and again. This is actually a school project, which takes a year. We had a hard start, setting up a company is not easy. For some companies it takes years, but we had to plan everything in three months. Our Website is done and we already sold out ones. In the few upcoming months, we will take it to the next level. But that is a secret for now.
There is a black marble notebook and a white one. On the back you can find our name in gold letters, which is super pretty!
What do you think?
Stop asking for easy. This is on my mind lately. If there is one thing I can tell you about my life, I would tell you the parts where I was the happiest and full of energy. I would hide the parts where I felt miserable, afraid and lost. These parts are often forgotten, nobody speaks up or asks about it. If you are in a situation like that, I learned in my life that you are the only one who can change that. And that is not going to be easy. I am studying for almost 8 years now, from high school to college. I started at almost the lowest program at secondary education (kader) and now, 8 years later, I am studying to become a online marketer at Higher Vocational Education. This progress gave me 3 certificates, and I can tell you: this wasn’t easy. People are often asking: why do you do that? Why would you? Because doing that, made me happy. Happiness is not something you can buy or get from doing nothing. It is in you, in your heart. If you decide to take it. The parts, when you feel miserable or sad are the parts when you are learning the most. During my long study years, there where enough days that I felt miserable or unmotivated. Getting out of periods like that, made me feel stronger as a person. Life will test you, challenge you. Then you will learn the most.
xo ~ Esmée
The last couple of days I am really thinking of changing my life completely. I want to go in other directions, but I am really figuring out what exactly. I feel like I have been in the same place and habits for far to long.
Life consists of different periods of time. Between those periods you are searching, searching for a destiny, dream or another way to grow. My life had already several periods of time. There was a time, for example, when I was horse riding every day. Or that time when I loved every fashion magazine and I made clothes myself. It made me who I am today. At this moment, I feel like I am searching. Everyone feels like this sometimes, right? You want to go in other directions, to find out more about you. You can have so many interests, but what is it really, that you are living for? What gives you that much energy, that you feel like you can handle the world? Finding this out, isn’t easy. For me blogging, became a part of me. Just as horse riding. It gives me a purpose. A way to use my creativity. Creating your own content, gives me that energy. Suddenly doors opened, who I never expected to open. Although I am still searching, there are parts of me doubting and questioning, I feel like am coming closer to myself. Much better than last week.
So sorry, if this post was all over the place, but that is how my mind works sometimes. I really tried to makes this clear for you. I hope you will get something out of this.
~until next week, where we will meet again.